(Almost) every man starts “bi”!


During the thinning of gay contact forums such as www.gaydar.co.uk for details of sexual medical interest, I noticed that especially very young men indicate their sexual orientation as “bi”. The older ones, that is to say the men from 25 or 30, already stand by their homosexuality, the “bisexuals” among them have become much rarer. Such an observation naturally has its background. I have thought about it.

A little “Bi” never hurts!

It often takes a very long time for a young man to admit his own homosexuality. It takes a certain maturity to face the facts honestly, self-deception (Freud: paranoid mechanism) is a widespread phenomenon, not only in relation to sexual orientation. Because “cannot be what must not be!

  • Sexual medicine speaks of the level of self-definition that has to be achieved. As we know, by far not all gay men get there. I experience men in my practice who have had sex with men all their lives, but who still call themselves heterosexual.
  • The level of self-definition is very unreliable when it comes to diagnosing sexual orientation. To the mere question of which sexual orientation one belongs to, one gets all sorts of answers, but not the truth. “Questions” are seen as a feature unsuitable for scientific research.
  • The level of self-definition means the recognition of one’s own lived reality. Recognition is followed by admission to oneself. Once again, this is a big step that is often never taken. Although it would be of utmost importance for one’s own happiness.

Only when one recognizes one’s own preferences can one follow them. The key to happiness is not self-love, but self-acceptance. How can other people accept you if you deny yourself? Apparently it is easier to call yourself “bi” than gay. Being “bi” is chic, being gay is considered perverse. This common opinion is the background for the many bisexual men in the time of the unstable youth. One still leaves a little door open, in one direction or the other …and it is also chic to be a bit “bi”.

The catch is, bisexuality does not describe a sexual orientation, but a sexual practice.

Bisexuality is not describing sexual orientation

“Sexual orientation describes an orientation towards the preferred sex. It takes place in daydreams and sexual fantasies!

In concrete terms, this means that a gay man remains “gay” even if he sleeps with women. Sexual practice does not change sexual orientation.

As an extreme example, gay men can be considered who sleep exclusively with women throughout their lives, yet they are and remain homosexual, because they sleep with women, but feel sexually attracted to men.

So we differentiate between sexual orientation, which describes the true, but often not at all lived sexual preference, and sexual practice, which does not have to coincide with orientation. Considering that about 60% of gay men in Austria live in heterosexual relationships, it can be seen that the level of sexual practice is not suitable for judging sexual orientation.

A man who sleeps with men does not have to be gay, he perhaps does so in the absence of women? For example, on the high seas or in prisons…?

A man who sleeps with women does not have to be straight, he does this perhaps for social reasons, out of longing for children and family or even just out of camouflage of his homosexuality.

Bisexuality is not a sexual orientation, but a sexual practice. This often has nothing to do with each other…!

The homoheterosexual continuum

Take a DIN A4 note and draw a horizontal line across the entire width. At the left end write “Woman” at the right end “Man”. And now draw on this line where you yourself would classify your desire for man or woman….Who are you closer to, the woman or the man?

  • It very rarely happens that a man claims to have the same fun in bed with both sexes, such a man is called “ambiusexual” in sexual medicine. The curve would then look like this:
  • Incidentally, such claims usually do not stand up to scrutiny. Men who describe themselves as ambisexual are then mostly homosexual.
  • This line between “woman” and “man” is called the “homoheterosexual continuum”. It describes the smooth transition from heterosexuality to homosexuality.
  • The basic rule is: sexual practice will correspond more and more to the preferred sex with increasing age, regardless of the sexual orientation in which the man sees himself as at home.
  • Genuinely “bisexual” men are called “ambisexual” in sexual medicine. But according to serious research they are so rare that they hardly exist at all.

The result of my research

Laymen confuse bisexuality with ambisexuality. I maintain this incorrect nomenclature in order not to create even more confusion.

There is no doubt that the frequency of self-defined bisexuality does not correspond to reality. Serious research has shown that sexual orientation in this form, equally aimed at men and women, is an extreme rarity, so rare that it can be neglected.

Laymen confuse sexual orientation with sexual practice. They believe that they are heterosexual if they have slept with a woman and that they are homosexual if they have had sex with a man, although the sexual practice does not have to agree with the orientation. But because the word “homosexual” has a negative connotation, they prefer to call themselves “bisexual”.

“Bisexuality” is a paraphrase for the homosexuality of those men who do not want to be homosexual and have already had sexual contact with at least one woman. The men who call themselves “bisexual” do this in order to make their homosexuality easier to tolerate. Mainly for themselves.